New kind of normal. Our normal. Not normal. These are all phrases you hear when you spend time with families with terminally ill children.
Our lives are not “normal.” Letting go of that normal has been very, very hard. I often wish that life was easier. I wish that my two little girls were running around, laughing and playing together. I wish that Lauren and Carmen would grow up together.
For some reason, God chose us for a not-so-normal life. We took the first step by adopting internationally but we had no idea that road would lead us to a terminally ill child. Letting go of my own desire for a normal life has been a painful process and one I continue to struggle with.
I keep going back to Hebrews 11, the faith chapter. Normal is not spending a year in an Ark. Talk about life on hold! Normal is not waiting until you are 90 and 100 years old for a child. Most of us don’t like waiting one day for what we want. Normal is not hiding your child for 3 months from a king intent on killing all baby boys. Normal is not giving that baby boy to the very people enslaving and mistreating your people. I doubt Moses’ mom envisioned this life for her son.
I can’t think of anyone in the Bible who lived a normal life. And yet their lives are awe-inspiring. So perhaps normal is over-rated. I do know that this past year with Carmen has changed us forever. I don’t think we will ever be normal again and I am not sure we would want to be. I hope and pray that for the rest of our lives, we let go of normal. And that we are willing to take the big “risks” that are both painful and rewarding.
Me and Carmen, an amazing little girl who is teaching me so much without ever uttering a word.
Very nice blog, as are the all the rest:) Just stopping by to say that we are thinking of you all and hope Carmen is doing well. Elise sends her hugs and kisses. xoxoxoxo
I wish so badly that I could have my “normal” life back, except with the new wisdom, courage, faith, empathy, and peace that I’ve gained over the last year. Too bad it doesn’t work that way.
thank you so much for sharing this post. I also agree that the trials bring us to a new level of understanding that we may not have otherwise been given, but I sure wish that there was an easier way to get there. And you are right, “normal” is overrated.
Hi Lana, Did you ever see the commercial where the guy says “life is not a spectator sport”? It is true and you and Dave are doing a great job living life and sharing it with strangers while you lovingly care for one of God’s precious few. You are making a difference in alot of people’s lives. How many “normal” people have ever done that? God bless. In Christ, Joe
When my mom got sick and then died I think the most difficult thing was trying to adjust to a new “normal”. “No, my mom’s fine. Mom’s are always fine, they take care of us, I don’t want to do the rest of life without a mom. How would our family even look without a mom there to hold it all together? It’s not possible.” I distinctly remember cycling through those thoughts as I tried to wrap my brain around the way our family was now going to look – so different than anything I had ever planned for.
I think adjusting to a new normal is one of the hardest things in life to do because there are so many things in life we can change, but those that we can’t, change us and it is downright painful.
Thanks for sharing with us – Sarah M.
Hebrews 11 is one of my favorite passages as well. I cling to the stories of faith in it, but also to the last part of the chapter. It says, “These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.”.
Not one of them received what had been promised.
Not one.
Yet they were faithful to the PROMISE.
As I have seen you being faithful.
Praying for you today and always. And thanking God for the blessing of Carmen.
dawn
And your sharing here..teaches us much. THANK you so much for being so real here. Normal….hmmm
This probably won’t make sense to most of you reading this but I have to say it anyway… “That’s my girl!”
awesome post.
This post tells me that many of my prayers have been answered concerning God’s work in your life through your experiences with Carmen. You have grown so much spiritually and have developed such an incredible attitude. I am very proud of you. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
I love you, Mom
P.S. Please give my beautiful granddaughters hugs and kisses from Grandma.
Hi Lana,
Your blog was forwarded to me by a dear friend who works with your mom. I had just posted about “normal” in Grace’s blog and needed encouragement for the day. What a blessing to read your thoughts and to be reminded of what really matters. May God watch over you and your family tonight.
Blessings,
Jodi
Hi Jodi
How is Grace doing??? and how are YOU doing??
Lana, you never cease to amaze me with your faith and wisdom. You are a true gift from God! God bless!
Normal, what a odd word. I mean really, what’s normal. Although our situations vary, I totally understand where you are coming from. We took the step to adopt Faith, whom we thought was a normal child, only to learn that she has special needs and our lives will never be normal. But, having 4 kids, 3 dogs, a husband and poppy is not normal for most. Although I wouldn’t have it any other way.
My thoughts and prayers are always with you and your family
I know this is a four and a half year old post. (This was written four days before my daughter was born. Useless trivia there, sorry.) I may have even read it a couple of years ago. However, for whatever reason, I was drawn back to your blog. I had allowed so much of life to just get in the way of many things, like keeping up here all the time, etc.
That said, there is no question why I came back today. As I walk through the journey I’m walking with my daughter, I have said so many of the same things about “normal” these days. We have settled into a new routine – our new crazy. Normal just doesn’t describe it anymore. With my (four year old) daughter (exchange tay sachs with a rare aggressive cancer) it’s been quite a whirlwind. Having faith that God is still God, that He is still good, and that He IS in control – that is what continues to sustain us.
Sorry this was so long, and I have no idea if you’ll ever even see this or not…but if so, I just wanted to share my gratitude at your post here (and so many countless others) as I took a little journey back in time and watched your beautiful family and faith grow and blossom. You guys have always been such an inspiration.
Hi Laura,
We are very, very sorry to hear about your daughter’s cancer. We’re also glad that you found encouragement from one of Lana’s posts as you walk through these days on the path that God has laid out. From your Facebook page, it seems like things are going…OK?
“Having faith that God is still God, that He is still good, and that He IS in control – that is what continues to sustain us.”
I love it!